John Montegut of New Orleans, Louisiana spent about $100,000 repairing his home after hurricane Katrina. About $20,000 of it was from a state grant. Would you believe that he just got a bill for $13,000 from the state telling him they’d overestimated his grant payment?

Uhhhh....

Yeah. You read that right--overestimated. And to make matters worse this isn't an isolated incident. IFC International, the contractor who issued the funding provided by the Road Home program, may have overpaid as many as 5,000 homeowners. In other words, New Orleans residents are being billed for up to two million dollars. Some homeowners could get hit for as much as $150,000 each!

How did this happen? Well, Montegut's damage claim included the repair of six skylights (which he doesn't even have) and the replacement of 22 windows which were completely unharmed. Montegut says that the damage inspector was in his house for all of five minutes and that we wasn't even allowed to view the damage claim to make sure it was accurate.

On top of it all, Montegut has no money to give the state. He spent it repairing his home since the grant only covered one-fifth of the cost anyway. The thing is, every homeowner who received a grant from ICF agreed to pay the money back if it was later discovered that there were over-payments. And there are signed contracts to prove it.

ICF says that it doesn't expect a large number of families to be affected by this mishap, although about 300 have already been billed. The contractor promises that this will be a "compassionate process," during which an auditor will review every case.

Now these people, after all that they have been through and lost, are being blindsided by fine print. I guess it's just another day in the life...

Sunday, we reached a grim milestone. Four American soldiers were killed in a roadside bombing in Iraq, bringing the casualty count to 4,000 in the five years we've occupied the country. I believe these numbers speak for themselves. What's it gonna take to get us out of there? Do we really have to wait for a new president to take office, plus the additional time it will take for that administration to authorize withdrawal, IF they even choose to do so?

Let's crunch some numbers. We have about nine months until a new president is inaugurated. Assuming the new president will push for withdrawal, based on what candidates (not McCain, mind you) have insinuated, it would take approximately 60 days from when that president takes office to begin bringing the troops home. Considering there are still 160,000 soldiers there now, it could take as long as 3-5 months to get them all home if we do a gradual pullout. This means that at the very least, it will be approximately another 13-15 months before we are completely out and all of the men and women are safe at home.

How many deaths will occur during that time? If we're basing our figures on recent statistics and the status quo remains, it could be upwards of 1,000.

According to Iraqi national security advisor Mowaffak al-Rubaie, "This is global terrorism hitting everywhere, and they have chosen Iraq to be a battlefield. And we have to take them on. If we don't prevail, if we don't succeed in this war, then we are doomed forever. I understand and sympathize with the mothers, with the widows, with the children who have lost their beloved ones in this country."

Al-Rubaie insists that his countrymen are making political gains and assuming more responsibility. But how much of this responsibility is an illusion masked by the help of U.S. military? If we don't halt the surge and begin a gradual withdrawal, when will Iraq learn how to stand on its own two feet?

Today is March 19, 2008, and it is the 5th anniversary of the invasion and occupation of Iraq. FIVE YEARS, and the White House is still trying to emphasize the success of the surge strategy.

President Bush and John McCain keep telling America that our soldiers should remain indefinitely, that our job is unfinished.

The facts tell a different story—that 5 years of war have been an enormous tragedy:

• Nearly 4,000 American soldiers have been killed—and many more Iraqi civilians.
  
• 120,000 vets from Iraq and Afghanistan have potential mental health problems. Nearly 68,000 have potential post-traumatic stress disorder.
• Nobel Prize-winning economist Joseph Stiglitz estimates that the war will cost over $3 trillion—money that could have and SHOULD have been used at home.

Today, with the administration requesting more funding and a hiatus on promised troop withdrawals, U.S. officials are beginning to acknowledge that the "surge" has not rendered the political reconciliation its architects had hoped for. (Ya think?)

Despite minor successes in the past year, Americans are constantly weighing the blood and guts of the previous four years against what the administration claims to have accomplished. When it's all out on the table, those few frail "successes" are largely reversible and much less substantial than the agony that preceded them.

Care to take your own little walk down memory lane? Here is a timeline of the War in Iraq.

With a blog called "Monkey News,"  you would think there would be more news about monkeys, wouldn't you?  Well, I think so too, which is why I've been looking into just what it is that monkeys have been up to.  Now, monkey news that involves humans isn't true monkey news, but when it isn't heart-wrenchingly sad, it's usually pretty darn hilarious.  Laughter is the best medicine, and since we can pretty much prove that with science, it's time for more funny news and less of this politics business.

Everybody knows that monkeys like shiny things (as do ravens, raccoons and a whole host of other animals, including many human women).  When a monkey takes something shiny from you on the street, like a candy rapper, it is both startling and funny.  With a monkey steals designer goodies from rich and famous people, it's downright awesome (and hilarious).  Apparently, the latest funny business went down at a Costa Rica hotel where Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz were staying.

Each morning the duo would awake to find items missing- sunglasses, a sony, a make-up bag, a Wireseal hat...and all the hotel could tell them was that monkeys like shiny things.  I like to think that this monkey was like Robin Hood, stealing from the rich to give to the poor.  See, that was way better than a briefing on political debates.

In less tabloid monkey news, lemurs might benefit from the use of satellite imaging research on habitat loss in their native Madagascar.  Whoo-hoo!

Earth Day began on April 22, 1970 as a way to promote environmental awareness and conservation efforts. The Earth Day campaign, which began in the U.S., now represents a worldwide initiative to protect and conserve the Earth's resources.

How much do you know about conservation?

Take CNN's Earth Day quiz to find out!

Is it just me, or did anyone else nearly run off the freaking road yesterday when they heard Left of Center's Jake Fogelnest announce that Rachael Ray was throwing a party at SXSW? Do what now? I thought Rachael Ray was the cheesiest, nuttiest, most annoying celebrity chef and TV personality in existence, not an indie rocker!

Now I've heard everything. Turns out Ray and her husband are avid listeners of Sirius' Left of Center and, get this, when asked if she likes indie music, Ray answered with her usual over the top enthusiasm, "Fuck yeah!"

Turns out, Ray is throwing a party at the Austin, TX festival called "FEEDBACK showcase," in which tasty treats will merge with even tastier sounds...YUM-O! Performances by Autovaughn, The Ravonettes, The Cringe, Scissors For Lefty, The Stills, and Holy *&%$ will create the ambiance while Ray cooks up the vittles. (I know one thing, whenever I finally make it to SXSW, if anyone from the Food Network has a tent, I pray to the gods that it's Anthony Bourdain.)

Okay, so after 24 hours of processing this shocking news, I'm gradually coming to terms with it. But damn it, I may never get over the deeply disturbing fact that Rachael Ray loves the cyborg cartoon rockers Battles, and claims they are a staple on her iPod. Someone fetch me the smelling salts!

Thanks to the Forbes Misery Measure, we now have an updated list of America's most downtrodden cities. The Misery Measure indexes America's 150 largest metropolitan cities based on the following criteria: unemployment, personal tax rates, commute times, weather, crime and the prevalence of toxic waste dumps.

If you're considering relocating to one of these places, you may wish to stock up on happy pills first. Oh yeah, and get a fuel efficient vehicle, a can of mace, a lot of money and a bio-hazard mask. We're just sayin'...

Here are the top 10 most miserable cities and why:

1. Detroit, MI - unemployment and plight due to auto industry downturn
2. Stockton, CA - high foreclosure rates, commute times, taxes
3. Flint, MI - unemployment and plight due to auto industry downturn (Detroit's sister city)
4. New York, NY - longest commute times, highest tax rates
5. Philadelphia, PA - commute times, taxes, superfund sites
6. Chicago, Il - long commutes, violent crime, bitter cold weather
7. Los Angeles, CA - commute times, superfund sites, taxes
8. Modesto, CA - commute times, taxes, unemployment
9. Charlotte, NC - violent crime, unemployment
10. Providence, RI - high tax rates

The conservative Muslim kingdom of Saudi Arabia has once again clamped down on retailers who stock their shelves with Valentine's Day gifts. More specifically, The Saudi Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice has asked store owners to remove all items that come in the passionate shade of red until after February 14. Generally speaking, this includes red roses, gift boxes, wrapping paper, and teddy bears.

According to Sheikh Khaled Al-Dossari, a scholar in Islamic studies, Muslims "shouldn't celebrate a non-Muslim celebration, especially this one that encourages immoral relations between unmarried men and women." The ever-righteous virtue and vice patrol has been credited with segregating the sexes, enforcing dress codes, and raiding shops to seize symbols of love on the eve of previous Valentine's Days.

This example of the institutionalization of intolerance no doubt stems from the kingdom's view of female subjugation, as the Sheikh mentioned above. In other words, we wouldn't want to encourage wanton behavior as a result of the expression of love.

Saudi Arabia has received a great deal of criticism for its harsh treatment of women. Women have been subject to numerous restrictions under Saudi law, including requirements that they must obtain permission from a man in order to have surgery or travel. In 2006, a 19-year-old Saudi woman was raped by seven men who found her alone with a man who wasn't related to her. The government then sentenced the woman to 200 lashes and six months imprisonment for being in the company of a man who wasn't her husband or relative.

Ladies, when you're wearing your red this Thursday, I ask that you wear it in honor of women everywhere who have no freedom of expression, especially when it comes to love. James Brown, your classic lyrics still ring true: "It's a man's world...but it would be nothing, nothing without a woman or a girl..."

Despite the presence of many of Hollywood's finest, this year's Sundance Film Festival has proven to be relatively uninspiring, to say the least. Film distributors, studio executives and other such gurus held out in earnest for "Little Miss Sunshine" and "Juno"-esque gems, only to be met with yawn-provoking unforgettables like Morgan Spurlock's "Where in the World is Osama bin Laden?"

The word on the street in Park City this year was that distributors would be looking to snatch up as much supply as possible in light of the writer's strike. With only a few days left, the shopping spree has yet to go down, aside from Focus Feature's $10 million dollar purchase of "Hamlet 2." Other deals that have been announced have been significantly smaller in scale. Yes, I do believe the recession is affecting all of us. Either that, or there's just crap for movies at this year's premiere independent film festival.

Regardless of such failures (based on reviews) as "Henry Poole is Here," "Incendiary," and "What Just Happened?" among others, there are a few theater-near-you hopefuls that have come out of Sundance this year. Again, based on reviews, the promising ones include: "Ballast," "Sugar," "Bigger, Stronger, Faster," "Savage Grace," and "Megane (Glasses)."

If these don't tickle your fancy once you have a chance to see them, at least you can sleep at night knowing that some good celebrity gossip came out of Sundance 2008, ie., Paris Hilton making out with Jared Leto. Now that's hot!

The police force of Klaipeda (you know, that city in Lithuania) was quite shocked to discover that a young woman they arrested for shoplifting had been declared dead some weeks earlier.  As it turns out, her parents made a small mistake in identifying the body as this particular zombie was actually alive and well and living with her boyfriend.  Now, about that dead body....

Science is so very slow.  One of the most commonly known facts among most people has finally been researched and the results are in.  To quote a senior lecturer at the University of Sheffield: "We found that clowns are universally disliked by children. Some found them quite frightening and unknowable."  Well DUH. Like I needed researchers to figure that one out.

This just in:  it is not illegal (in Italy, anyway) to record you and lover getting it on without their knowledge.  This comes via a recent appeal- the man was previously convicted and given a four month sentence.  He was acquitted this time on the basis that he had not distributed the tape to others.  As if there were any doubt- the woman is now in possession of said tapes.

Hungarian scientists are developing computer software that would help people better interpret their dog's emotions (via their barking).  Currently, it's only doing 3% better than human perception, but they are certain that the software can be improved.

Oh, you know we couldn't resist this one. Time Magazine, in partnership with CNN, recently published an article about one of our favorite members of the animal kingdom: the monkey. Here's the skinny--in a recent study of macaque monkeys in Indonesia, researchers discovered that the males, in essence, "pay" for sexual access to the females. As economics goes, even in prostitution, such access is cheapened as the number of females increases.

The study resulted in a paper which was published in December's issue of Animal Behavior. Aptly entitled "Payment for Sex in the Macaque Mating Market," the paper goes on to claim that in a group of 50 long-tailed macaques, the males provided grooming serves in exchange for sex. After studying the animals for roughly two years, the researchers determined that the males offered their grooming services up front, as a kind of ritual prior to sex.

Apparently, the females love being groomed (as most females do) so much that after receiving such services, their sexual activity more than doubled from an average of 1.5 times to 3.5 times per hour. Yowsa! The study also indicated that the more females available, the less time the males spent grooming them. In other words, if a male's chances of getting lucky were pretty good, he was less likely to spend a lengthy amount of time picking fleas and such off the female.

The premise of this little system of exchange is called biological market theory, a sort of animal kingdom parallel to supply and demand. If anything, it makes for cooperation and compromise, two things that allow for successful mating almost every time. Sound familiar? Even so, the paper draws no conclusions about what these behaviors mean for humans. If anything, it could make for some interesting pillow talk.

Today Monkey News is bringing you the very latest in environmental sensitivity. Death ain't what it used to be, friends and neighbors. That's right, now it's ECO-DEATH! The Natural Burial Company, out of Portland, Oregon, will sell a variety of eco-friendly burial products, including biodegradable coffins, beginning in January.

Green funerals make up a recent trend that has popped up in California, Florida, New York, Texas and South Carolina. Though cremation has long been considered environmentally sound, recent concerns about fossil fuels have lead people to question this convention. Those who opt for a more "natural end" can choose from products like the Ecopod, a kayak-shaped coffin made out of recycled newspapers, or even a fair-trade bamboo casket lined with unbleached cotton.

To put it bluntly, it's the ultimate form of composting.

Biodegradable coffins are just a small part of a natural funeral trend which requires no formaldehyde embalming, laminated caskets, chemical lawn treatments or cement vaults. Advocates of the movement argue that these methods have a much lower impact on the environment than the traditional methods.

The Green Burial Council (yes, there is one), is developing certification programs to measure the authenticity of providers like The Natural Burial Company who claim to be all natural purveyors of afterlife accessories.

August 9th, 2007

That's right, bitches.  Those bitches in New York city are attempting to ban the word "bitch" from use.  What's that you say?  They want to discontinue it's prominent use in print media, radio, and television?  Don't count on it, they're trying to ban the word from the mouths of the populous.  It may reach a point wherein if some highly anal retentive law-enforcement official hears you utter the bitchtastic word, you'll be given a ticket and forced to pay a fine. 

What's that you say?  Oh, yes, I had thought of that as well.  That oh-so-hard-fought-for amendment guaranteeing us freedom of speech according to the United States Constitution.  Apparently that just isn't sitting well with 21 of the 51 city council members who have signed on to the ban. 

Did you hear that?  That is far too close to half if you ask me.  Read the complete story here.  What's next, we lose ass, cock, shit, and fuck?  Well fuck that, especially fuck banning the word "fuck" which is one of the most flexible and widely appropriate words in the fucking English language.  Isn't it a moral issue as to whether or not we choose to slather our language with obscenity and not, in fact, a legal one?  To say nothing of the absurd notion that this movement was born out of the very city wherein the word is probably used more than any other single location.

I hope that all who read this will join with me in defending our constitutional right to liberally sprinkle our linguistics with colorful obscenities, by proudly walking into the streets and declaring "hey, bitch!" to your best friend and "yo, fucker!" to your friendly neighbor. 

August 6, 2007

No, not a law against fucking, although I would not put it past the Bush administration to put a ban on sex standing up or some such nonsense.  No no, this law expands even further the government's authority to listen in on international phone calls (and email messages) of American citizens.  Without warrants.

The law was signed Sunday the 5th of August.  Hope you weren't having terrorist-fantasy phone sex with your Austrian lover.  If so, it may have been a threesome. 

Congressional aides and co. have stated that this new law provides legal guidelines for the surveillance that the National Security Agency was employing secretly.  Without warrants.  So basically the new law makes legal what was already being carried out in the first place.  Apparently someone hasn't been sleeping so well at night. 

The only restriction placed upon the eavesdropping is that the "target person" the United States government is looking to espy on must be in the country that the private American citizen is calling.  For example, if you want to call your Aunt Mildred in Calcutta and the US is looking for someone in Calcutta, you're open for business.

White House spokesman Tony Fratto assures us that the new law is for more accurate precautionary measures to be taken against foreign suspects overseas, not to spy on Americans.

Who feels better?

Read the Times article here.

Here's a mouthful: controversial conservative commentator. What's worse than a cumbersome title? The meaning the title implies, of course. This alliterative description speaks to none other than Ann Coulter, conservative in every sense of the word and yes, a demigoddess of scandal and controversy. Add in the commentator part and here's a little taste of what you get:

To a disabled Vietnam vet: "People like you caused us to lose that war."---MSNBC

"Clinton is in love with the erect penis."---This Evening with Judith Regan, Fox News Channel 2/6/00

"God gave us the earth. We have dominion over the plants, the animals, the trees. God said, 'Earth is yours. Take it. Rape it. It's yours.'"---Hannity & Colmes, 6/20/01

"We need to execute people like John Walker [Lyndh] in order to physically intimidate liberals."---from a 2002 speech

All of this coming from a woman who purports to having attended approximately 67 Grateful Dead shows! For shame! In the days beyond her free-spirited deadheadedness, Ann Coulter has written essays and speeches on topics like "The Failures of Feminism," "Jihad is Fun! Vote Democrat!", "The Democratic Party: A Vast Sleeper Cell," and  "Studies Show: Felons Smarter Than Liberals." Coulter has also authored five best-selling books with one on the way. Her forthcoming book, If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans, will hit shelves in October.

If you didn't know, Ann Coulter is infamous for her militant anti-liberal views on everything from attacking 9/11 widows to preemptively bombing the hell out of other countries, particularly Muslim ones. Liberals absolutely loathe her and conservatives adore her. She has often been referred to as the "Republican Michael Moore," which is perplexing to me because Coulter is equipped with a filthy, hateful mouth and Michael Moore is not.  Furthermore, Michael Moore is a proponent for peace, the environment and universal healthcare while Ann Coulter daydreams of a jolly round of bombing North Korea as a warning to the rest of the world: Do not fuck with the U.S.!

Coulter's most recent scandal involved her referring to democratic presidential candidate John Edwards as a "faggot" during a speech she gave at the 2007 Conservative Political Action Conference.  It goes a little something like this: "I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards, but it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word 'faggot,' so I'm - so, kind of at an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards, so I think I'll just conclude here and take your questions." Her slur alluded to Isaiah Washington's recent use of the word and his subsequent counseling. Click here to watch the video. You know you want to.

I mean really, what a bitch! Bashing a fellow North Carolinian like that...and besides, name-calling is for kids. Where's your dignity? Ah, yes. I forgot she was from Connecticut. Well, it seems that with or without her dignity, Coulter is laughing all the way to the bank. Though Verizon, Sallie Mae, and Netbank have pulled their ads from her website and eight newspapers have dropped her column, she boasts that the press' attempt to silence her has actually made her more money; she's been asked to give more and more speeches since the incident.

There seems to be no stopping this Machiavellian nightmare of woman, especially by sweet little Elizabeth Edwards, who attempted to confront her on MSNBC's Hardball with Chris Matthews. Edwards denounced Coulter for the personal attacks against her husband and for writing that the Edwardses had a bumper sticker on their car stating "Ask me about my dead son," in reference to their dead son Wade. Coulter responded by saying that no attempts to silence her will make her desist from further personal attacks. Whoa!! Such relentlessness I haven't seen the likes of since O.J.'s slow-speed car chase. Easy, cougar!

Far from fair and balanced, Coulter's right-wing flamethrower tactics are so extreme, many of us wonder whether she's for real or just having herself a good time. A fascinating public figure...at least she gives us something interesting to gab about besides bloody Lindsay Lohan. Even though I think Ann Coulter is completely neurotic and most likely a daughter, or at the very least, a niece, of Satan, I still have a few ounces of respect for an old deadhead who isn't the slightest bit scared to speak her certifiably insane mind.

"I don't really care what people say about me – I'm a Christian so there's nothing anyone can ever do to me – but I kept thinking: “Boy, would I like to go to a Dead show and dance with happy, friendly deadheads for just one night!” --Ann Coulter